Stories versus facts

We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

- Joan Didion

What stories are you telling yourself?  What stories are you choosing to live in?

Or are you not choosing at all?

Maybe you unconsciously and unwittingly repeat the same old unexamined stories that you have carried within you for decades. Stories, that if examined, might not ring true any longer but still influence your behaviour, your decision making and the way you experience life today.

We can't help it, our minds are wired to create a cohesive narrative out of everything we experience. It is the way we make sense of the world. These stories reveal to us what we value, who we are and what we are capable of. However, they can also mislead us into believing things about ourselves, others and the world in general that is based on misconception or outdated information.
 

Story versus fact - examples

Fact: I am single.
Story: I am too boring. Nobody will ever be interested in me.

Fact: My toddler is crying and upset.
Story: I am not a good mum.

Fact: I have applied for 50 jobs in the last three months.
Story: I will never get a satisfying position again. People my age are simply not valued in the workforce.
 

Nudging versus coercion

What I am talking about is more nuanced than the "glass-half-full" versus the "glass-half-empty" stories we know so well.

For example, if we get stuck in rumination and negative self-talk we don't need to coerce ourselves into looking at things from a "glass-half-full" perspective. Instead, it is enough to bring to mind just one situation where we experienced things differently to the story we are currently spinning. This will throw the mind off course and lets it entertain the possibility of a different story, one that is more life affirming.

We gently nudge the mind into painting the world in different colours and into adopting new stories that serve our goals and aspirations rather than coercing it into adopting a completely new narrative by tomorrow, which is rarely sustainable.
 

My invitation to you …

Next time you tell yourself that your child is never doing their chores as requested, remind yourself of the one time they did.

Or when you get frustrated about anyone's action or behaviour, including your own, remind yourself of a time they/you acted in ways that you approved of or enjoyed.

Or when you are unable to soothe your baby and start beating yourself up for not being a good enough mum, bring to mind all the times the two of you were in a bubble of bliss together. 

You might surprise yourself how this can change the trajectory of the way you relate to yourself, to others and to life in general.