Navigating Life’s Transitions

I have recently become a grandmother. The next generation has been born and I have been bumped up the generational line from parent to grandparent. Since I don’t buy into the conventional story of what it means to grow older, I did not expect to experience such a visceral shift within me.

Growing older in years has always had a positive association for me and I usually liken it to the image of a ‘flower unfolding its beauty and fragrance one petal at a time’, rather than to an arc with its peak followed by a gradual decline.

To me, transitions such as from mother to grandmother are life's way of asking us to examine our present way of being and either gently nudge or force us to develop and grow as individuals.

However, I am curious about how we can support each other in leaning into these periods in our life and open ourselves to the gross and subtle learnings they offer rather than ignoring them or shrinking away from the challenges they pose.

Transitions can be large or small, planned or unplanned; they might be centred around something exciting, such as the birth of a baby, a new career path or something painful, such as an unexpected illness or the loss of a loved one.

Some of life’s transitions can be seen as universal, such as the period of adolescence, when we transition from child to adult and matrescence when we transition from woman (the archetype of maiden) to mother and that from mother to crone (wise woman), which I don’t think we have a term for yet.

Each stage has its own beauty, challenges and possibilities for growth and expansion. Transitions can feel like birthing; they can be painful, exhilarating, frightening and utterly exhausting at times.

Matrescence

We have only recently started to talk more openly about the challenges women experience when stepping into motherhood. And we now have a term for it: matrescence.

Matrescence is a relative new term and is defined as the emotional, spiritual, biological and social experiences that women undergo once their baby is born. It reminds us how ludicrous it is to act as if becoming a mother is nothing more than a new job description.

Of course, we instinctively know that becoming a mother is a multi-dimensional process and much bigger than the moment of birth. However, this truth is rarely openly acknowledged. We keep it hidden, sometimes even from ourselves, and ignore the life changing and all-encompassing process it really is. And it takes time. The journey into motherhood can take months or even years.

So, I am thrilled to hear more and more people, i.e. women, talk about matrescence and the fact that becoming a mother can be thrilling, heart-opening and soul-destroying all at the same time with infinite levels of intensity and nuances.

What alerts me though, is that we had to wait for academic studies on this topic for us to acknowledge even to ourselves how profound, rich and challenging the transition into motherhood really is – and to start talking about it.

Joys plus Sorrows

As so many of us, I have grown up internalising the message to just-get-on-with-it. Hence, I have decided that I want to consciously honour the richness and challenges of the transition I am living through right now, that from mother to the archetypal ‘crone’ – actually, I advocate for the idea that there is another stage between mother and crone, a stage that some call the ‘wild woman’. But no matter what name we give it, I want to open myself to its rich insights, beauty and bittersweetness.

So yes, I love transitions and their potential for growth and expansion. That’s why I also love working with people who are in or preparing for transition. Guiding women on their path and mentoring them in how to lean into their experiences without self-judgement, how to honour their struggles, their longing, ask for help when needed, celebrate their wins, and fully appreciate every little moment that is filled with heart-bursting love and utter bliss, is one aspect of my work that nourishes me deeply.  The trick is to learn to hold space for both, one’s joys and one’s sorrows, at the same time.

We face changes all the time. Motherhood is a very visible and powerful one, but so is the time when our kids leave home, when we step back into or out of the workforce, when we choose or are forced to re-invent ourselves, when we are faced with illness, the loss of loved one, lock-downs and loss of personal freedom, or when we are stepping into the role of grandma and wise elder or navigate diminishing levels of physical and mental energy, the list is endless.

I am passionate about all of it and spend my time supporting people like you in creating their own roadmap through any of the small and big transitions in life. To me this is what makes life rich and beautiful, or as Susan Cain would say “bittersweet”.