Expression of a personal boundary
In her book "The Well-Lived Life" Dr Gladys McCare (102 year old author and holistic medical practitioner) shares her experiences and secrets of a fulfilling and well-lived life.
One sentence that caught my attention is:
"I don't have energy for it!"
Taken out of context this sentence could be interpreted as an expression of limitation voiced by someone who is overwhelmed or fatigued. Or, it could be interpreted as a clear expression of a personal boundaryexpressed by someone aligned with their core values, or in McCarey's words with their "soul's sacred mission".
Imagine being so attuned to your heart's desire and so clear about where you want to put your energy, that the idea of focusing on any obstacles in your path, or on what is unwanted, seems utterly non-sensical.
What would it take for you to harness the power of what truly matters to you, your soul's mission, and let this force carry you safely and steadily through life? How could you interrupt the old habit of focusing on what's wrong instead of reveling in what nourishes your soul?
The analogy that comes to mind is that of a garden full of weeds (unplanned and unwanted things). We can, begrudgingly, focus on battling the weeds, or we can put our energy towards nourishing the plants we want to grow, choose the right environment for their needs, feed the soil and watch the garden flourish.
Maybe there is more to boundary setting than meets the eye
We have been taught of the importance of setting healthy boundaries, as for example, learning to speak up for our needs, ask to be treated with respect or say 'no' to others' demands on our time. All these are important skills to have, however, they can stifle the free-flow of energy.
What if, instead of mostly focusing on what we might need from others to maintain our own equilibrium, we equally direct our energy toward expanding the source of our well-being, and making that the driving force in our life? What if we let every cell be permeated by the feeling-tone of our heart's desire to such a degree, that we can easily brush off any unwanted behaviour by others that might be contrary to what we had hoped for.
In her book, "The Well-Lived Life", Dr McCarey speaks about her sister's ability to ignore her mother-in-law's ongoing critical behaviour toward her. When Gladys asked her sister, how she could stand being criticized like this, her sister replied:"I simply have no time for it!"Her sister was very clear about wanting to give all her energy to her newborn and was able to accept her mother-in-law for who she was, realising it had nothing to do with her. It was of little importance to her given that her baby mattered so much more. However, she also highly valued family life and hence welcomed the idea of her mother-in-law living in their home.
The statement 'I have no time for it!" resonates with me and I have decided to borrow it and use it in my own life. It is not too dissimilar to the idea of being discerning about the kind of stories we tell ourselves, a topic I have previously written about. What makes this statement attractive is its simplicity and power.
As always, any of what I write about needs to be examined in the context of your own life and personality. If you have a tendency to suppress negative feelings or avoid difficult situations, than the statement above might not be helpful but only reinforce an existing restrictive pattern. However, if you are someone who at times feels a little overly precious about their own unmet needs to the degree that it impacts on your sense of generosity towards others than this might be just the thing for you.
Many thanks for reading.
Kindly
Uschi
Questions for you
What do you value more than anything? What is your heart's/soul's desire?
What would it take for your values to be the driving force in your interactions and decision making processes?